This post is the hardest one I ever had to type because It is a personal story on how I forgave someone in past. I wanted to share my story so that I can help anyone who is holding on to anger , or resentment. I thought I would never be able to get over what was done with me ,but watching the video from T.D. Jakes sermon " I never said it would be easy" really help me push through a lot of my past issues. Like I posted in my previous post me and my boyfriend of 6 years got in argument, he left me and went to church. I couldn't go to church so I decided to go online and go to YouTube to look at a T.D. Jakes Sermon. I clicked on the most recent sermon and it was "I never said the it would be easy" and I open my sticky note application to take notes. In the sermon T.D. Jakes ask the question, " What good seed without soil?". This made me reflect back over my life. When you don't have a relationship with God you don't give your self chance to grow and a place to graze. He talked about how being good for the moment won't work in your life you have to be consistent. He touched on the topic wrecking you future running for your past. I thought to my self am I wrecking my future running from my past? I thought about unsolved relationships in the past and the relationship with my absent father came to mind. My father wasn't in my life and every time that he tried to build relationship it always ended in a argument. I realized that my father being absent in my life was causing me physical & emotional stress. My father being unavailable in my life influenced my adult love life. I realized I was looking to my boyfriend to fill the void of not having my father in my life.
I told my self that I have to do something about this because I refuse to let my past stop me from enjoying my future , but I didn't know where to start? My pride wouldn't just let me call my dad up and tell him we need to talk. A week later my sister from my dad side that I never met called me and told me that with my dad and she wanted to meet me. I wanted to meet her so bad and that meant I had to see him because he was bringing her to see me. Him bringing her would make me have to deal with him. We met at the mall and we all talked. He talked about how he wanted a relationship with all of his kids and he talked sincerely apologized for not being in my life. I felt like he was sincere and I needed to let go of the past . I needed to fix it this problem so I wouldn't drag those issues in my other relationships. We now talk on the phone once a week and we talk for a couple of hours. We are rebuilding our communication and no its not perfect , but I'm willing to put in the effort to make It work. Forgiving him released all the built up frustration and anger. I never realized how much pain I was holding inside until I decided to let go. Sometimes I have moments were I think about how he abandoned me , but I pray to God and ask him to remove in spirit that is not like him. Forgiving Is not easy, but if you think about what Jesus went through on the cross it puts your life into perspective. He had to endure people turning his back on him and he forgave them. It made me think of the Bible story when Peter ask Jesus, "How many should one forgive someone who has sinned asked him" Jesus replied : "seventy times seven" (Matthew 6:14-15, Mark 11:25). Deciding to forgive was a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders. If you try it to open your heart and forgive it will be weight off your shoulders too, try it and see!
